Tears Of A Clown
by loveandanarchy
Summary: She loved Joker. Loved him more than herself. If it was only her, she would have stayed. Stayed until he finally killed her or she died trying to protect him. No matter what, she was with him. Wherever he went, she would follow. A modern day tale of human bondage. But for the first time, she had found something she loved more than him...Her baby.


**Note:** I know some people get very touchy about this so I'm going to lay it all out right here. If you're looking for canon accuracy, you won't find it here. This is NOT the fic for you. This is completely AU, obviously, but based off of their relationship as it is portrayed in Suicide Squad. If everyone ends up out of character, I'm well aware of it. I still hope you enjoy it anyway and know that I appreciate all readers. **  
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 **Tears of a Clown**

 **Chapter 1:** Running

* * *

Harley's heeled foot pushed down on the gas pedal as she drove past the Gotham City limits. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew had to get away. Every mile she drove away from him, away from her puddin', was like a knife in her chest. Her chest heaved from the sobs wrecking through her body and her eyes were barely open, raw and rimmed from the tears and mascara blurring her vision, but she kept going.

She didn't have a choice.

If it was only her, she would have stayed. Stayed until he finally killed her or she died trying to protect him. No matter what, she was with him. Wherever he went, she would follow. A modern day tale of human bondage.

 _"Question...", his raspy voice came from behind her. She whirled around to face him, watching him move towards her, his hand brushing against her side. "Would you die for me?", he asked._

 _"Yes.", she answered without hesitation; eager to please._  
 _"That's too easy.", he replied, thinking better of it._

 _He knew he had her, but he wanted to see how deep her loyalty went. This...this would prove whether her love was borne out of a silly, schoolgirl infatuation or out of daddy issues. Even out of a desire to be distracted from the limits and mundane demands of sanity._

 _Or... if he'd reached her mind as well as her heart. If she was truly willing to descend into the mayhem and darkness of his world. "Would you...would you live for me? Hmmm?"_

 _She stood entranced by his marble green eyes. His soul was black, she knew. But she wanted to be consumed by it. To drown in it. "Yes.", she replied again._

 _"Careful.", he warned. "Do not say this oath thoughtlessly." His comically tattooed hand covered her mouth. "Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes power.", he whispered seductively before allowing his hand to slide slowly from her face._

 _"Do you want this?", he inquired._  
 _"I do."_

 _He inhaled, deeply satisfied._  
 _Yes..._  
 _She was ready._

 _"Say it...say it. Say it.", he demanded. His fingers framed her chin almost delicately. "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty...", he mumbled in a mantra._ _ _The itch of longing he felt collided against the all consuming desire to possess something so beautiful. So perfect._ For just a moment, he knew she had just as much of a hold on him as he had on her. Ever since he first heard the sound of those red bottomed heels reverberating off the cold asylum halls and moving towards the conference room that he was being held in, he'd been hooked.  
_

 _"Please.", she asked, almost desperately._  
 _He loved it when she begged. It made him feel...powerful. Needed. Wanted. Something he'd been missing his entire life.  
_

 _"God, you're so..._ good _.", he rasped, unable to find another way to describe her. His Harley. His Miss Quinzel.  
_

 _Harley looked over the towering edge at the vat and then back at him with the faintest of grins on her face. She held his gaze as she spread her arms and allowed herself to fall._

 _Fall freely into the madness._

She truly meant the oath she took that night and she always would. However, it wasn't just about her anymore. It was about the baby.

His baby.

 _Their_ baby.

Loving anyone was never a guarantee of a happily ever after. Loving a monster...well, that was a guarantee that happily ever after would never exist. For a long time, she had hope. Hope that despite his cruelty, despite his general disdain for a real relationship, that he would one day marry her. Hope that he would need her like she needed him. That he would love her, even.

Now, she had nothing.

Joker was a lot of things, but a father was not one of them. He would never let her keep a baby and raise it. It just didn't fit into their lifestyle. What would happen if they both got locked up in the asylum? They'd never see the baby again. She didn't know if she could even trust that Joker wouldn't have the baby drowned while she slept or have it beaten out of her before it took it's first breath. He had no limits. Harley knew that better than anyone.

The thought of what _could_ be, terrified her.

 _"You don't know what you're talking about. He loves me. I knew I shouldn't have come here.", Harley hissed, grabbing her coat to leave Ivy's apartment._

 _Ivy moved to stop her friend by grabbing her arm and looking her straight in the face. She had to talk some sense into her. "I'm not trying to upset you. I'm telling you the truth. He_ can't _love you Harl. He's not capable. Deep down inside, you know that. Do you think Joker will actually be happy about you being pregnant, quit crime and move to the suburbs so you can raise a family? That's a fantasy Harley. You're better than this. You_ deserve _better than this.", she told her.  
_

 _Harley pulled her arm away and sank to the floor in despair, the truth of Ivy's words weighing down on her to the breaking point. She stared ahead with a blank look on her face. "What am I supposed to do? You're right. Mister J ain't letting me keep a baby. But I want it. I want it so damn bad.", she whispered before breaking down into tears.  
_

 _Ivy sighed and sat down on the floor next to her, wrapping a comforting arm around her friend. Her heart broke for what Harley was going through. "Then have it Harl. If you really want this baby, then have it. Don't let him take this away from you.", she said firmly._

 _Ivy was tired of watching Harley be Joker's doormat. Her friend had given up everything to be with him. Her sanity, her family, her career, her life. Sometimes she wondered if he felt anything for Harley at all. Harley claimed he showed it when they were alone, but from Ivy's view, his feelings were little more than obsession mixed with a sick need to possess and control Harley. Joker was the puppeteer and Harley was his doll.  
_

 _"I don't have anywhere to go. He'll never stop looking and when he finds me, he'll take them away from me.", she cried desperately. This baby was the only family she had. Her one chance at unconditional love.  
_

 _Ivy frowned, hugging Harley close to her side while she cried. She would have offered for Harley to stay with her, but Harley was right. Joker would set the entire city on fire if it meant finding Harley and bringing her home._

 _He would_ never _let her go. Not without a fight and Joker was always a winner when it came to his queen.  
_

 _"You have to leave Gotham.", Ivy said, inspiration suddenly striking her. "Now. You have to run and never look back. Don't tell anyone where you're going. Not even me."_

 _Harley's eyes were wide. She looked like a small, scared child. She couldn't just up and leave. "What? I can't just-"_  
 _"You_ can _.", Ivy insisted, grabbing Harley by the shoulders. "You need to do this for_ yourself _. Not for him. Not anymore."_

 _Harley took a deep breath and nodded. She had to make a decision._

 _Ever since she'd found out about the little nugget taking refuge in her stomach, things had changed. She loved Joker. Loved him more than herself. But for the first time, she found something she loved_ more _than him._

 _That love gave her the strength she needed to run._

 _"Okay, I'll do it. I'll go.", she agreed._

 _Ivy moved quickly, running over to one of her many plants. She dug haphazardly into the soil of one in particular and pulled out a large stack of cash inside of a clear bag. She shook it free from the dirt and handed it to Harley; forcefully enclosing her friend's fingers securely around the package when she looked like she was about to protest._

 _"These bills are untraceable. This should be more than enough to start over. No matter what he does to me, I swear to you_ _that I'll never tell him."_

 _The tears began rolling even more and Harley threw herself at Ivy. She was a true friend. Even willing to put her own life at risk to help her. It wasn't often that the bad guys, or girls, had someone in their corner like this. "Thank you. Thank you so much. I love you."_

 _"I love you too.", Ivy replied, voice thick with emotion. "Now go. Go!", she said forcefully, prodding Harley to move and get on her feet. Harley gave her one last hug before stumbling out the door on shaky legs and onto the street to hijack a car. When she climbed into the unfamiliar driver's seat, she knew there was no turning back._

 _'It's just me and you baby.', his voice rang out tauntingly inside her head._

 _Although her heart was breaking and everything in her core was screaming "wrong", she was finally free._

Or so she thought...


End file.
